Quisiera ser como Chuck Norris...

• If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
• There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
• Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.
• Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
• Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.
• Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
• Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
• Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
• Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.
• Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
• When the boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
• Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
• Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
• Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.
• Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
• Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
• When Chuck Norris crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways.
• There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.
• The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.
• How many Chuck Norris' does it take to change a light bulb? None, Chuck Norris prefers to kill in the dark.
• Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.
• There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
• In the medical community, death is referred to as "Chuck Norris Disease."
• Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition.
• Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
• Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
• Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
• If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
• They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take %^&* from anybody.
• The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
• Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
• The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
• Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the @#$% down.
• Chuck Norris is a man of few words. Chuck Norris is not a man of few roundhouse kicks to the face.
• The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse actually live in Chuck Norris's nutsack.
• When observing a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick in slow motion, one finds that Chuck Norris actually rapes his victim in the ass, smokes a cigarette with Dennis Leary, and then roundhouse kicks them in the face.
• Chuck Norris made Ellen Degeneres straight.
• Chuck Norris kicked Neo out of Zion , now Neo is "The Two"
• Chuck Norris knows where Carmen Sandiego is.
• When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.
• Chuck Norris once broke the land speed record on a bicycle that was missing its chain and the back tire.
• Chuck Norris once kicked a baby elephant into puberty
• Multiple people have died from Chuck Norris giving them the finger.
• If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the !@#$ down
• Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
• There is no such thing as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.
• Chuck Norris does not procreate, he breeds
• Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.
• If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris.
• Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.
• Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.
• Chuck Norris doesn’t believe in Germany.
• If you want a list of Chuck Norris’ enemies, just check the extinct species list.
• Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.
• Chuck Norris invented water.
• Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker’s real father.
• Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.
• Before science was invented it was once believed that autumn occurred when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked every tree in existence.
• Scientists in Washington have recently conceded that, if there were a nuclear war, all that would remain are *!@#roaches and Chuck Norris.
• Chuck Norris never "gets laid", rather: "laid gets Chuck".
• Helen Keller’s favorite color is Chuck Norris
• When you open a can of whoop-ass, Chuck Norris jumps out.
• Chuck Norris can !@#$ into gale force winds.
• Chuck Norris got a perfect score on his SAT's, simply by writing Chuck Norris for every answer.
• Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.
• Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

Quisiera ser como Chuck Norris, que cuando no tiene la razón tiene la razón, lo anterior para que no anden diciendo que: "Q difícil es, llevarle el genio al alguien q lo tiene peor q uno ..jejeje"